I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Holy shit dude........stairs
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
