There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
