wrigley field is MILF paradise
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
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