yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
