Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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