It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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