Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Well I just put wine in my tea
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
