News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
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