My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."�
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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