There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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