im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
