So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
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