I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
