I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
