i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
