her facebook's as public as her vagina
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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