physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
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