remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
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