How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
