Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
