his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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