the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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