it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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