You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
