my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
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