please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
