Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
