so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
