You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
