she woke up with a sticky ear
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
