my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
