I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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