Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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