the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
i think i just lost a toe
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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