So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
