im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
