I'm so fucking centered right now
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
