My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
