he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
