No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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