theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
