I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
