So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
3pm strippers are depressing
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
