Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
