I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
