I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
