I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
