i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
