At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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