I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
