just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
