Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
