Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
