just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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