I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
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